Saturday, September 18, 2010
The "Hidden" Jesus
I've been reading an amazing book by Mother Teresa (the title escapes me now...) but she writes of how Jesus is hidden in the poor and suffering, and how she and others met Him during her work in Calcutta.
Today, I met Him, too.
At about 7 AM this morning, I awoke to a knock on the basement door. It was my sister, who tearfully explained that we had just received a call that Papere (my maternal grandfather) was moved from the nursing home to the Emergency Room. His heart rate was at 160, and he was unresponsive.
After dressing quickly and feeding Joseph, my husband and I, along with the rest of my family, piled into the car to go to the Emergency Room.
To make a very long story short, once we arrived at the Emergency Room, Papere's vitals had stabilized (as much as they could), but his white blood cell count was up and he was diagnosed with pneumonia.
After my parents and aunts and uncles had visited with him and Fr. R had arrived to give him the Anointing of the Sick, my husband and I went in to go see him.
When I first peered behind the curtain, I'm sure that I gasped. He was draped across the hospital bed, head tilted to one side, and looked just like the image of Christ in the Pieta. Pale skin just barely stretched over his bones and his blind eyes were cloudy. I held his hand, which seemed as delicate as a baby bird's wing.
While he wasn't sure who we were the entire time we visited, I could see that he was comforted by the touch of someone who cared for him. Several times, he called out, "Almighty God! Why won't you take me?" and my heart ached, remembering Jesus on the Cross, "My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?"
How I longed to comfort him- but realized my helplessness- and my littleness. It's humbling to realize that sometimes the only comfort one can really give is time and prayer.
Right now, he is being admitted to the hospital and my mother is with him.
I am so thankful I was able to be at the hospital today. Not only could I be with my grandfather, but I saw the "hidden" Jesus revealed in his suffering.
Today, I met Him, too.
At about 7 AM this morning, I awoke to a knock on the basement door. It was my sister, who tearfully explained that we had just received a call that Papere (my maternal grandfather) was moved from the nursing home to the Emergency Room. His heart rate was at 160, and he was unresponsive.
After dressing quickly and feeding Joseph, my husband and I, along with the rest of my family, piled into the car to go to the Emergency Room.
To make a very long story short, once we arrived at the Emergency Room, Papere's vitals had stabilized (as much as they could), but his white blood cell count was up and he was diagnosed with pneumonia.
After my parents and aunts and uncles had visited with him and Fr. R had arrived to give him the Anointing of the Sick, my husband and I went in to go see him.
When I first peered behind the curtain, I'm sure that I gasped. He was draped across the hospital bed, head tilted to one side, and looked just like the image of Christ in the Pieta. Pale skin just barely stretched over his bones and his blind eyes were cloudy. I held his hand, which seemed as delicate as a baby bird's wing.
While he wasn't sure who we were the entire time we visited, I could see that he was comforted by the touch of someone who cared for him. Several times, he called out, "Almighty God! Why won't you take me?" and my heart ached, remembering Jesus on the Cross, "My God, My God, why have You forsaken Me?"
How I longed to comfort him- but realized my helplessness- and my littleness. It's humbling to realize that sometimes the only comfort one can really give is time and prayer.
Right now, he is being admitted to the hospital and my mother is with him.
I am so thankful I was able to be at the hospital today. Not only could I be with my grandfather, but I saw the "hidden" Jesus revealed in his suffering.
Sunday, September 5, 2010
Big Shoes
10 Month Old Joseph and I...what a handsome boy!
When I accepted the position at my parish as DRE, I knew I was replacing a Titan. The lady that I had replaced formed the program from nothing and built it to where it is today- and, for the most part it runs like a well oiled machine.
I expected that after following someone who has been a parish fixture for thirteen years, that I would receive some resistance and comments. The comment that I hear almost daily is that I "have big shoes to fill." Needless to say- hearing this on a daily basis grates on my nerves.
When a lady I met told me this the other day, I replied with, "What? No I don't...I'm making my own shoes." and smiled at her. It went over well enough.
However, I've been reading a book by Mother Teresa, and this line just hit me, "If God could find someone more helpless and hopeless than me, I'm sure He could do greater things with her."
Wow.
This line both humbles me, and reminds me that I am His instrument...and that HE decides how I am to be used. As long as I do my best, and it is for the glory of God, that is what matters. 'I' am not anything. 'I' should not try to fill anyone's shoes OR create my own- but merely do what is pleasing to Him.
Other than that- things have been going well. Joseph continues to amaze me daily with how much he's changing. He is so beautiful. Four teeth now, and walking! He has even started dancing in his high chair when he hears music.
My husband has been amazing as well. If anyone has a servant's humble heart, it is him. I am so blessed to have this man in my life.
Hopefully, I will write more often after the next two weeks are over- I have so much to share.
Sunday, August 15, 2010
Divided and United
When I was in high school, and even into college it so happened that whenever my family had a party or cookout that my Dad would ask (well..."ask"...) my sisters and I to sing for our guests. Usually, after much reluctance, we would sing in four part harmony. We would sing anything- from songs that were currently playing on the radio to the "Hallelujah Chorus." As an introvert, I usually dreaded singing in front of a crowd. However, I did enjoy singing with my sisters, and listening to the beauty of an acapella four part harmony.
This past weekend, everyone from the parish staff at my church came over for the annual parish cookout at my father's house. This meant all of my co-workers, priests, nuns, deacons, and of course my own family. As soon as the last of the burgers had been claimed and the laughter had quieted, everyone turned their attention to the patio where my two sisters sat, prepared to entertain the guests.
They sang beautifully, accompanied by guitar. I sat at the picnic table with my husband and my son, hoping no one would urge me to join in- which of course they tried to do. I declined as gracefully as I was able and tried to be as inconspicous as possible.
As the tiki torches flickered against the darkness, and I listened to their voices charm the crowd, I could hear the two harmonies that were missing- that seemed to me to leave the song incomplete. I almost see her. See the four of us together again- and I felt my face warm and water fall from my eyes.
You see, I have a secret. I haven't sung since my sister died. I can go through my days normally- get up, coffee, work, pray, deal with the baby, deal with family, and everything is fine-
unless I am invited to sing with my sisters- or even sing in public. Once, I was flipping through channels on television and saw a family of Celtic vocalists singing and that was too much for me.
The only place I will sing is during Mass. I feel that while I am singing to my Beloved at the Eucharistic Table, I am united with her- that all of us are together again.
And sometimes, in those quiet moments during the Communion Meditation I can hear her- soft and gentle, weaving her voice in with the tapestry of voices from the congregation below. How good God is, to allow me this gift, especially in my unworthiness.
This past weekend, everyone from the parish staff at my church came over for the annual parish cookout at my father's house. This meant all of my co-workers, priests, nuns, deacons, and of course my own family. As soon as the last of the burgers had been claimed and the laughter had quieted, everyone turned their attention to the patio where my two sisters sat, prepared to entertain the guests.
They sang beautifully, accompanied by guitar. I sat at the picnic table with my husband and my son, hoping no one would urge me to join in- which of course they tried to do. I declined as gracefully as I was able and tried to be as inconspicous as possible.
As the tiki torches flickered against the darkness, and I listened to their voices charm the crowd, I could hear the two harmonies that were missing- that seemed to me to leave the song incomplete. I almost see her. See the four of us together again- and I felt my face warm and water fall from my eyes.
You see, I have a secret. I haven't sung since my sister died. I can go through my days normally- get up, coffee, work, pray, deal with the baby, deal with family, and everything is fine-
unless I am invited to sing with my sisters- or even sing in public. Once, I was flipping through channels on television and saw a family of Celtic vocalists singing and that was too much for me.
The only place I will sing is during Mass. I feel that while I am singing to my Beloved at the Eucharistic Table, I am united with her- that all of us are together again.
And sometimes, in those quiet moments during the Communion Meditation I can hear her- soft and gentle, weaving her voice in with the tapestry of voices from the congregation below. How good God is, to allow me this gift, especially in my unworthiness.
Friday, July 30, 2010
Silent Hours
Lately, silence has been something that I have been craving. Between being very busy with the Religious Ed. program at our parish, motherhood, and family life- there has been no time for reflection- making it more difficult to hear those whispers of love from the Lover of my soul.
I have been trying to rise early and go to bed later so I can savor a few precious (silent) moments with my Beloved. I know that if I do not take the time to thank Him, and do not take the time to BE with Him, I will be an empty vessel. I will have nothing to give to my husband, my son, or those to whom I am ministering. I cannot find the words to describe how much I yearn for this!
And yet, I know that in my vocation, I am to make my every action, every word, every deed, every sacrifice an act of love for Him. Every action should be a prayer. But in my sinfulness and in my littleness, I really don't know how to do this. It's so easy to forget that taking care of the baby is an act of love when I'm elbow deep in a dirty diaper...and so I yearn for silence, because in the silence, I feel that I'm giving Him my full attention.
I imagine that the Lord is allowing me to experience this so that I burn for Him, and Him alone, but it can be frustrating at times. Between answering telephones, starting a new youth ministry, recruiting CCD volunteers, board meetings, cooking, cleaning, wiping noses, bandaging boo-boos, mounds of laundry, dirty diapers, and living in a house with seven people (my parents, siblings, husband and son...not to mention the infamous Charlie, and my sister's pets...) where there is really no privacy- how can I maintain a few precious hours of silence so I can be with the Lord, and in turn, be Christ-like to everyone else? I'm open to any and all advice- I need to pencil the Lord in!
Sometimes, I really feel like more of a Martha than a Mary- so consumed by duties. But how I yearn for a chance to sit at His Feet!
I have been trying to rise early and go to bed later so I can savor a few precious (silent) moments with my Beloved. I know that if I do not take the time to thank Him, and do not take the time to BE with Him, I will be an empty vessel. I will have nothing to give to my husband, my son, or those to whom I am ministering. I cannot find the words to describe how much I yearn for this!
And yet, I know that in my vocation, I am to make my every action, every word, every deed, every sacrifice an act of love for Him. Every action should be a prayer. But in my sinfulness and in my littleness, I really don't know how to do this. It's so easy to forget that taking care of the baby is an act of love when I'm elbow deep in a dirty diaper...and so I yearn for silence, because in the silence, I feel that I'm giving Him my full attention.
I imagine that the Lord is allowing me to experience this so that I burn for Him, and Him alone, but it can be frustrating at times. Between answering telephones, starting a new youth ministry, recruiting CCD volunteers, board meetings, cooking, cleaning, wiping noses, bandaging boo-boos, mounds of laundry, dirty diapers, and living in a house with seven people (my parents, siblings, husband and son...not to mention the infamous Charlie, and my sister's pets...) where there is really no privacy- how can I maintain a few precious hours of silence so I can be with the Lord, and in turn, be Christ-like to everyone else? I'm open to any and all advice- I need to pencil the Lord in!
Sometimes, I really feel like more of a Martha than a Mary- so consumed by duties. But how I yearn for a chance to sit at His Feet!
Sunday, July 25, 2010
Versatile Blogger Award
When I began this blog, I decided that I wouldn't publicize it, but just write and see who decided to read- leaving it in God's hands. I believe I've only actually shared it's existence with about six friends. Imagine my surprise when I found I was awarded a Versatile Blogger Award from the lovely blogger at City Wife, Country Life! Thank you, Angele! (I don't know how to link back to your blog, as I'm still new to this blogging thing.)
I want to pass on the award to two bloggers that I regularly read.
1. Nicole at Cupcakes and Spriggles. She frequently writes about her family life, inparticularly about her adventures as a new mom, but also peppers her blog with cooking tips and prayerful meditations on Gospel readings. Very beautiful blog.
2. Adrien at On the Fly. Not a frequent blogger, but her posts are filled with anecdotes and tutorials of a Mom who is learning how to be a "stay at home mom" and loving every second of it. I love this blog, and it's very helpful!
Now, part of receiving this award is posting seven things that no one knows about you. As I feel that I'm an open book (for the most part) this may be difficult! However, here is my attempt:
1. Despite the fact that I am utterly terrified of rollercoasters and most wild rides, I have always dreamed of riding a motorcycle. Something about the speed and the wind blowing through one's hair is very appealing to me.
2. Even though I'm a flutist, I would love to learn how to play acoustic guitar. I'm putting this on my "bucket list."
3. I have only had once instance where I had to stay overnight in a hospital, and that was post-delivery of my little bambino.
4. If I could have any job in the world and money was not a factor, I would love to be a poet.
5. When my husband was first interested in dating me, I was contemplating graduate school and then missionary work in Chicago. However, God has a sense of humor. Every night, my dear husband would go to the chapel and ask God if he could have me. And every night, I went down to the chapel and TOLD God that even though I was attracted to this man, I wanted to remain single and pursue mission work. You can see who's faith was rewarded!
6. I love logic and puzzles, but I am an utter failure in the area of mathematics.
7. I have a deep love for Victorian houses. I would love to live in one and furnish it with period furniture and paintings. They are so beautiful, and make me feel very "refined" and feminine.
I suppos that's all for now- back to the "sacred hours" of wifely duties and motherhood. I am hoping for a post later this week concerning marriage- my husband and I just celebrated our four year anniversary!
I want to pass on the award to two bloggers that I regularly read.
1. Nicole at Cupcakes and Spriggles. She frequently writes about her family life, inparticularly about her adventures as a new mom, but also peppers her blog with cooking tips and prayerful meditations on Gospel readings. Very beautiful blog.
2. Adrien at On the Fly. Not a frequent blogger, but her posts are filled with anecdotes and tutorials of a Mom who is learning how to be a "stay at home mom" and loving every second of it. I love this blog, and it's very helpful!
Now, part of receiving this award is posting seven things that no one knows about you. As I feel that I'm an open book (for the most part) this may be difficult! However, here is my attempt:
1. Despite the fact that I am utterly terrified of rollercoasters and most wild rides, I have always dreamed of riding a motorcycle. Something about the speed and the wind blowing through one's hair is very appealing to me.
2. Even though I'm a flutist, I would love to learn how to play acoustic guitar. I'm putting this on my "bucket list."
3. I have only had once instance where I had to stay overnight in a hospital, and that was post-delivery of my little bambino.
4. If I could have any job in the world and money was not a factor, I would love to be a poet.
5. When my husband was first interested in dating me, I was contemplating graduate school and then missionary work in Chicago. However, God has a sense of humor. Every night, my dear husband would go to the chapel and ask God if he could have me. And every night, I went down to the chapel and TOLD God that even though I was attracted to this man, I wanted to remain single and pursue mission work. You can see who's faith was rewarded!
6. I love logic and puzzles, but I am an utter failure in the area of mathematics.
7. I have a deep love for Victorian houses. I would love to live in one and furnish it with period furniture and paintings. They are so beautiful, and make me feel very "refined" and feminine.
I suppos that's all for now- back to the "sacred hours" of wifely duties and motherhood. I am hoping for a post later this week concerning marriage- my husband and I just celebrated our four year anniversary!
Sunday, July 11, 2010
Canticle of Love
http://www.addthis.com/bookmark.php?pub=SusanStar
This song, based on the writings of St. Therese, has always been dear to my heart. I first heard it when I purchased "Songs for Life" by The Pierce Sisters. It was played at my wedding as the Entrance Hymn (Instrumental) and sung during the Communion Meditation. It was also played at my sister's funeral. Out of any piece of music I've ever heard, this song is the one that has played a crucial part in drawing me closer to Christ, and I wanted to share the lyrics. Wish I could share the actual music, but I'm not technologically savvy. :)
This song, based on the writings of St. Therese, has always been dear to my heart. I first heard it when I purchased "Songs for Life" by The Pierce Sisters. It was played at my wedding as the Entrance Hymn (Instrumental) and sung during the Communion Meditation. It was also played at my sister's funeral. Out of any piece of music I've ever heard, this song is the one that has played a crucial part in drawing me closer to Christ, and I wanted to share the lyrics. Wish I could share the actual music, but I'm not technologically savvy. :)
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