Lately, silence has been something that I have been craving. Between being very busy with the Religious Ed. program at our parish, motherhood, and family life- there has been no time for reflection- making it more difficult to hear those whispers of love from the Lover of my soul.
I have been trying to rise early and go to bed later so I can savor a few precious (silent) moments with my Beloved. I know that if I do not take the time to thank Him, and do not take the time to BE with Him, I will be an empty vessel. I will have nothing to give to my husband, my son, or those to whom I am ministering. I cannot find the words to describe how much I yearn for this!
And yet, I know that in my vocation, I am to make my every action, every word, every deed, every sacrifice an act of love for Him. Every action should be a prayer. But in my sinfulness and in my littleness, I really don't know how to do this. It's so easy to forget that taking care of the baby is an act of love when I'm elbow deep in a dirty diaper...and so I yearn for silence, because in the silence, I feel that I'm giving Him my full attention.
I imagine that the Lord is allowing me to experience this so that I burn for Him, and Him alone, but it can be frustrating at times. Between answering telephones, starting a new youth ministry, recruiting CCD volunteers, board meetings, cooking, cleaning, wiping noses, bandaging boo-boos, mounds of laundry, dirty diapers, and living in a house with seven people (my parents, siblings, husband and son...not to mention the infamous Charlie, and my sister's pets...) where there is really no privacy- how can I maintain a few precious hours of silence so I can be with the Lord, and in turn, be Christ-like to everyone else? I'm open to any and all advice- I need to pencil the Lord in!
Sometimes, I really feel like more of a Martha than a Mary- so consumed by duties. But how I yearn for a chance to sit at His Feet!