One of my Facebook friends is also expecting a little one in the near future, and recently mused that "...he must increase and I must decrease..." was especially applicable to those who are expecting. I must admit, that with my added girth (er...baby weight...) that I find this to be true. As the baby continues to grow, I feel myself slowing down, easily fatigued, and drawing myself away from things that require a lot of energy. There's little that I want to do at this point in time besides eat, sleep, and cross stitch the baby's birth announcement- and some days, even that takes a lot of effort.
However, during this pregnancy inparticularly, I find a loss of control with so many things. For those who know me, it would most likely be said that I am a creature of structure and routine. I like to know what's going on and I don't get excited about surprises easily. As of right now, I'm still looking for someone to fill in for me during maternity leave (or longer!) and we're still living with my parents. In the past few days, however, my husband has received three opportunities for interviews, which is an answer to prayer. I'm hoping that something works out for our family soon, especially since maternity leave is unpaid.
Am I uneasy about all of this? Yes. However, I feel an underlying calm- one that even the sleepless nights due to stress and discomfort cannot touch. I don't know quite how to describe it- but I feel like in the eleventh hour, everything will be alright.
Don't get me wrong- I still have my moments. I have moments when I look at Joseph and wonder what will happen with him if I have to go back to work. I look around at our "humble abode" (my parents' basement) and wish that we could have our own place again- and wish we could do things our way. I look at my husband and worry for him, hoping that he does not get discouraged even though we've lived up north for a year and he has yet to find employment. I look down at my expanding belly, and wonder if this new baby will be happy and healthy.
And yet, through all of this, I still feel a quiet reassurance. For this I am truly grateful. God helps those who help themselves- and I feel like we are doing the best that we can given our situation. I'm still working at my parish, trying to get everything set up for the next school year, and my husband is being a great stay-at-home dad while doing his best to job hunt. He sacrifices his sleep to get up with Joseph at night so I can work the next day, and when I get home from work I try to relieve him so he can have a few moments to regroup.
We will continue to do what we can, and know that God is never changes, and is always faithful.