Warning: Sappy Post

I am always SO eager for my day off from work so I can see my husband when he returns home from work in the morning. The nights without him are very long with David waking up, and Charlie (the cat) is not very comforting to share a bed with. (This cat is AT LEAST 20 lbs. and tries getting asclosetomeaspossible!)

It's been a very difficult 6 months, not having my husband home when I'm home- and I PINE for him. I wake up at night and realize he's not there. I can't wait to hug him and to kiss him good morning...and on the days I work- I count the minutes until the end of the day so I can see him.

I feel like the woman in the Song of Songs- with eyes only for her Beloved.

Right now, the weather is horrible- it is snowing and raining and it is cold. Schools have been cancelled and plows have been up and down the road since 5:30 AM. David is napping now, and Joseph is putting away his toys and watching Mickey Mouse.

And me? I'm smiling and getting ready for a second cup of coffee- my love just called and is on his way home. I'll get to see him for a few precious minutes before he goes to sleep, and then I'll wake him up for dinner this evening.

Early on in college, I can remember thinking that it must be difficult to stay married- for how can one love another person for SUCH a long time? However, after almost 6 years of marriage, I'm beginning to understand, because I love my husband more everyday- and when I look at my children and see him IN them, it makes me love him even more.

Not that he's perfect- we all have our imperfections. He does things that drive me crazy sometimes- (as I know I drive him crazy sometimes, too!) But- he is a good and humble man and he pursues my heart. He loves me despite (and perhaps because of) my imperfections. He supports me and makes me want to be the best wife and mother I can be. My children and I are truly blessed.

Sometimes...

A bouquet of daisies and roses make things better.

My husband is amazing- and the best man that I know-

I am so blessed!

Love him.

Religious Ed. Meets...Social Work?

The past few weeks I have felt more like a Social Worker than a Director of Religious Education. I've been working with one family to help them get their bills paid so they don't get evicted, tried to help them find affordable childcare and referred them to charities...as well as many other things.

I've been dealing with a few such families as of late- and I don't always feel prepared for how to deal with these situations- it's not part of my training. I was trained in theology and education- not social work- and some days, I wonder if I give the right advice and refer people to the right places. Even though I talk to all the proper authorities first, I always feel like I'm in waist-deep. Perhaps that's because being a DRE is not just about Religious Education, it's about ministry.

Tonight, I had a child who decided to leave the building because he didn't want to be in class. A seventh grader. A HUGE seventh grader. Somehow (by the grace of God) I was able to talk him into coming back into my office and have a discussion with him about why he didn't believe in God. When his Dad showed up to pick him up, he told me that "Freddy*" (Name change here), "does this all the time at school."

"Try to leave the school campus?"

"Yes- he just wants to get a rise out of you."

"Well, I would have called the police. We take these things very seriously."

And all the while I'm thinking...And WHY do you seem okay with this?!

"Freddy's" parents are divorced and have conflicting values, and the poor kid doesn't know which way he wants to go- only that he wants to be heard- that he wants someone to care. (Which is still no excuse for being hard-headed and obstinate- but at least I know why he's acting the way he does.) The family, myself and the priests are having a meeting next week to make a "plan" for Freddy.

I'm amazed at how the deterioration of the family affects children, and how those children act. I don't blame them...but I DO feel so sorry for them. What pain and heavy crosses they carry at so young an age!

Our youth and their families need us to storm Heaven with prayers for them!

Pondering Things In My Heart

YEARNING to say something that I can't say yet...for many reasons-
1. Mixed emotions.
2. Reality will set in.
3. Comments that I'm sure will be made...some that will be well-meaning advice- and some that...well...won't be...
4. Fear of not knowing the direction that life is taking us once again...

And yet-

Despite all of the things that COULD happen- a miracle HAS happened.
Despite all of my fear with finances- I am (trying) to trust.
Even though I sometimes "forget"... I KNOW God is always faithful. I'm
the one who struggles with faith.

Hoping to write a less "pensive" post soon- there's just so much to think about.

Teapots and Christmas Lights

I've heard women compared to both teapots and Christmas Lights. Women are like teapots because when they are "full" they are bursting to talk to someone- to let it out. They are like Christmas Lights because when one light bulb is out, the entire string shuts down.

I would say both of these are true.

And I will also say that I am suffering from both metaphors right now.

However, I learned the hard way through my adolescent years that venting online is always a dangerous venture- so I need to find another outlet. Suffice it to say that I am tired, burnt out, and praying for things to turn around yet again. I'm not sure how much more of this I am willing to put up with. Praying for direction and for change...

Why I Don't Tell (Most) People I Blog

For a while now, I've had several people ask me to start a blog.

"It would be a great way to keep up with your family!"

"You have a knack for writing!"

"You should keep up with your poetry and create a blog for it!"

Well, I guess the reason I don't tell (most) people I have a blog is because I don't want to deal with keeping up with it- (something that is NOT easy for a working mom with two kids)- and because there are certain things that I write about that not EVERYONE needs to know.

I am also not a master chef, crafty person, super mom (though I must say I try!), and I don't usually have great "pearls of wisdom." Nope. It's just me, rambling- trying to get rid of my thoughts so I can move forward.

Plus...if I saw I was being "followed" by 345 people, I may get kind of creeped out.

At this point in my life, when I blog it's not for any particular audience- it's for whoever stumbles upon it- and they can "eavesdrop" on my inner musings. I suppose all this could be remedied with keeping a regular, handwritten journal- which I used to do all the time- but for now, I like this medium- and it's nice to occasionally receive some feedback from a handful of people.

Maybe one day, when the kids are more self sufficient and I have more time on my hands, I will write down my stories and poetry- advertise it for people to read and hope that I have a trail of people "following" me...but for now- I am happy in my own little corner where I can write freely.

Musings...

Every year since I was a freshman in high school, after going to Christmas Mass, I would sit down with my journal and write PAGES of resolutions for the New Year. On New Year's Eve, a few would be selected to work on for the upcoming year.

This past Christmas- I didn't do it.

Not because there aren't things I need to work on... I'm already working on those things. However, I need to look at changing the way I live my life.

Without getting into too much detail- (because coming to this conclusion has really been a long time coming, and the situations that have led to it have been difficult...) I need to be direct and assertive.

Sounds easy, right? Not for a phlegmatic/melancholic personality. (At least, not for THIS phlegmatic/melancholic personality!) However- certain situations have pushed me to the point where I know this needs to happen. It's not an option...and it's a tough pill to swallow.

When I became a mother, I began to move in this direction. But now, with other things going on- I feel like someone is pushing me there- and that it is beginning to happen naturally.

By being direct and assertive, I don't mean being aggressive. I think one can be assertive and maintain poise- I think strong, feminine women can do it- it's just about finding the balance. And, although it's taken me a while to get to this point, and the situations that have pushed me here have caused more anger and stress than I care to acknowledge, I think it is where I need to be.

Perhaps the situation that is causing me so much hurt is the greatest catalyst to the change God wants me to make...and if that's the reason I have to go through it, I will try to do so as cheerfully and faithfully as I can.