Musings...

Every year since I was a freshman in high school, after going to Christmas Mass, I would sit down with my journal and write PAGES of resolutions for the New Year. On New Year's Eve, a few would be selected to work on for the upcoming year.

This past Christmas- I didn't do it.

Not because there aren't things I need to work on... I'm already working on those things. However, I need to look at changing the way I live my life.

Without getting into too much detail- (because coming to this conclusion has really been a long time coming, and the situations that have led to it have been difficult...) I need to be direct and assertive.

Sounds easy, right? Not for a phlegmatic/melancholic personality. (At least, not for THIS phlegmatic/melancholic personality!) However- certain situations have pushed me to the point where I know this needs to happen. It's not an option...and it's a tough pill to swallow.

When I became a mother, I began to move in this direction. But now, with other things going on- I feel like someone is pushing me there- and that it is beginning to happen naturally.

By being direct and assertive, I don't mean being aggressive. I think one can be assertive and maintain poise- I think strong, feminine women can do it- it's just about finding the balance. And, although it's taken me a while to get to this point, and the situations that have pushed me here have caused more anger and stress than I care to acknowledge, I think it is where I need to be.

Perhaps the situation that is causing me so much hurt is the greatest catalyst to the change God wants me to make...and if that's the reason I have to go through it, I will try to do so as cheerfully and faithfully as I can.