The Climb

Oh poor, neglected blog, I think it has been about two months since I've written!

Life has been very busy with three little boys and my husband working nights while I work days.  I feel right now like the best way to describe what life is like is by saying it's like mountain climbing.  I feel like we're at the craggy, rocky, face of the mountain, breathless and hoping for respite- and then I happen to look down and notice the beauty below me that would have otherwise gone unnoticed.

Basically- things are very hard.  However, God is faithful!  I've experienced two Christmas miracles that I will have to write about in a later post as I only have a few minutes right now- but both brought me to my knees with tears of thanksgiving.

I am humbled and thankful- and noticing the beauty of others and the faithfulness of God is what keeps me pressing on.

What Maternity Leave With Three Under Three Has Taught Me

How To Dodge Landmines:
Landmines constitute as anything my one year old hurls onto the floor.  Usually, he does it out of frustration that he's not the one being held and is in his high chair.  I've learned to dodge everything from spilled milk to Cheerios to Cheez-Its.  And sometimes spit up.

Science:
What the color of a Number 2 means- and also what the size and consistancy means. 
How much Infant Tylenol needs to be injested to make us take a trip to the ER. (Thanks, Joseph.)

Art:
Infant Tylenol can also be used to paint on one's bedspread and carpet.

Nutrition:
Mom avoiding dairy means baby is NOT gassy.  This also helps Mom to lose weight.
Kid Cuisines are okay once in a while.
Goldfish Crackers and Welch's Fruit Snacks are their own separate food groups.

Math:
If baby gets up at 11:00 PM for a feeding, and stays up til 1:00 AM, Mom can estimate that she will get two hours of sleep before all children are up.

Literature:
Goodnight Moon and The Hungry Caterpillar are classics that should not be overlooked.

Seriously, though- even though maternity leave has been difficult as I was on my own we three kids- I am going to miss being home with my babies.  Wish I didn't have to go back to work. However, I'm happy we found a daycare and that I can bring Michael to work with me.  Prayers please for any who read this- husband is on the third shift and doing a lot of mandatory overtime- and I will be doing a 50+  40 hour week, then coming home and having the kids all night alone...which wouldn't be so scary if David wasn't teething and Michael wasn't colicky... kind of at a loss as to how all of this is going to work- and I've never felt that way before.

September Resolutions?

The other morning whilst nursing Michael, I was watching some generic weekday morning show. (There's not much one can do while nursing- impossible to read while nursing in a recliner!) The host was babbling on and one about the weather and the presidential candidates- and finally came to the topic of September being a time of back-to-school resolutions for Moms. As a former teacher, I MISS going back-to-school shopping. The scent of freshly sharpened pencils and the ecstasy that comes with buying rainbow colored sticky notes and blank notebooks- and planning how I would teach this up and coming year- evaluating how well I taught the students the previous year, and making notes about how I wanted to change my methodology. I know that all too soon, Joseph will begin school and I will be going through a similar inventory. For the time being, however, I DO want to look at September as a time to re-evaluate and to make new resolutions. I think that it is fitting that this is done as autumn quickly approaches. The leaves are turning from a vibrant green to gold, scarlet and orange and a chill is beginning to settle in the air (at night anyway), and in the back of our minds we know that soon everything will be veiled in sparkling white, adds to my inner yearning for change. Perhaps this seems especially pertinent to me as of late since I just gave birth to our third boy, little Michael! (Or perhaps I only feel this way because my hormones are raging due to the fact that I just gave birth, I'm nursing and trying to keep up with two toddlers while deciding whether or not it is feasible to stay at home...) In any case, about a week before I went into labor, I decided I needed to buy a new notebook. It's one of those pretty notebooks- various shades of blue with swirls- a notebook that looks classy. Not one of those flimsy one subject 70 page notebooks that will last all of two months before getting destroyed due to constant page turning. I wanted the notebook. I NEEDED this notebook. I've been anxious to use any spare time I can get to write and read- to get my thoughts in order. And yet- that notebook is still blankly staring up at me. There's something that can be almost crippling at time about wanting to take a new step- something that makes one feel like any move will make something permanent- like there is no going back. Something that makes little blue pen markings seem like whatever is written is going to be irreversible. Final. Something that makes me forget the beauty of White-Out or using pencil. That mistakes can be fixed. There are so many things to do- so many changes that need to be made- so many things that will not go away unless action is taken. And yet, that notebook still stares up at me blankly. The resolutions and ideas continue to marinate- but I think it's about time to put pen to paper and write. To evaluate. How am I going to be a better mother? Wife? How am I going to make to to sit down for five minutes and be "alone" with God? How am I going to juggle three kids when my husband returns to work the week after next? How are we going to survive on one income if I need to stay home- and how are we going to survive now that my husband has been moved to third shift? And how are we going to do all of this with one car? So many questions- and only one answer: HOPE and TRUST in God...while doing your best to juggle everything.

Michael Has Arrived and a few Joseph-Isms

Baby Micheal arrived August 25th at 1:27 AM and was 8 lbs even. Contractions began around 7 PM that evening- and I ended up having a natural birth...(sort of by choice and sort of not- the look of the IV needle was a little too much for me to handle- so I just decided to go natural. After having done that, I don't think I will EVER do that again! Reminder to self- don't be a "hero"- get the epidural!). Michael is a spitting image of Joseph when he was a baby.  All are healthy, albeit more exhausted than usual.  We are happy for his arrival!  I will write more when I have a few moments...

And today from Joseph:

"Mama, Mama!"
"Yes?"
"I pee-peed on da fwoor!" (said with the utmost exuberance.)

(Should I be thrilled he doesn't want to pee in his pull-up or
mortified that his new 'dumping ground' is the floor?!)

After reading "The Very Hungry Caterpillar" and seeing that the
caterpillar has turned into a butterfly:

"WOW! Dat's gweat, Mama! Dat's gweat! Wook! A butterfwhy!"

Looking at Michael:

"Mama, dat's MY baby Michael."

"Is he David's baby brother, too?"

"NO.  He's MY baby Michael! My bwother."

After Joseph has woken up in his Batman pjs:

"Mama, I AM the Batman."

The Little Ones, Maternity Leave and Megamind

Well, I was hoping by now I'd be able to share the blessed news that the newest little one had arrived, but we are still waiting!  However, I am glad for two reasons that he has waited- even though I feel as though my belly is going to explode and my legs go numb from having him sit on my nerves:

1. I always try to go to Confession before I go into labor and have not yet had an opportunity.
2. Joseph has been tested for Pertussis, and the entire family is on antibiotics. 

Both the boys had been vaccinated against it, but the doctor said that there is a particularly strong strain going around.  Joseph had been coughing so hard that his face would redden and he would gasp and wheeze for his breath- SO SCARY.  He is still coughing hard, but since he has started the antibiotic, I have noticed his wheezing has subsided.

We also had to report this to the state, and the state has to inform the daycare with what symptoms to watch for, and what precautions to take.  I'm baffled as to where he could have caught this as he is either always with our family or in daycare.  Poor little guy!

So- I'm glad the baby has waited.  I'm not sure what precautions we could take with the baby to ensure he doesn't catch this.

Joseph has just seemed to have a run of bad luck, lately.  Yesterday when I went to go wake him, I ran into his room to the sound of screaming and blood gushing out of his mouth and down his arm.  Of course, knowing that he had been coughing, I imagined the worst, until he managed to explain that he hit his chin on the foot board of his bed because he had been jumping. Poor kid!

David has been doing well- but separation anxiety has started to set in with him...especially when my husband leaves the room during a meal time. (Fred has been feeding him bottles at night as I am too large to have him rest on my stomach).  He's also been upset with me because I can't pick him up as much as I used to.  My belly has taken over my mid section so my hips have disappeared and there's no place for him to go!  He's still a sweet little Mama's boy, though!  Little guy just celebrated his first birthday and is trying to walk- so hard to believe!

I'm "supposedly" on Maternity Leave- in my absence people try contacting me with a lot of questions as it is the beginning of the school year.  The replacements I hired are doing a great job- I only wish one had more self-confidence.  She will do a great job- she just needs to believe in herself. Leave has been difficult with the Pertussis, constant (and now painful) Braxton Hicks and my husband's crazy work schedule- and daycare drama, too. Ugh.  I'm trying my best to give my all to my kids, but finding that I am so worn down due to third trimester insomnia and anxiety about WHEN the baby is to arrive...and worried about my husband's imminent shift change.  If his supervisors put him on third shift, I don't know how we're going to do this...hoping God has an amazing plan in store.

I DO have to say that I am most grateful for Megamind.  For some reason, Joseph is just enamored by that movie.  (And I like it, too!) When he watches it, and David is down for his morning nap, I am able to indulge in my nesting fantasies and load the dishwasher and mop the floor. Is it bad that he loves that movie so much that he is now identifying the characters and whether or not they are good or evil???  I do hate using the television to occupy him so I can get housework done- but my helper can no longer come as her husband just had surgery and my parents both work.  Wishing we knew more people in the area- I can't believe how much my hometown has changed since I graduated from high school.

In fact, Fred and I have talked about moving again...which I wouldn't mind.  I'd like a fresh start and I'd like to be able to meet people our own age who are also married and/or have families. (Not that we don't value our single friends- we do! It would just be nice to share some of the struggles that go along with family life with those who are doing the same thing.) It would be nice to have couple friends in the area and be able to share our lives with them.  I just don't see that very  much around here- and everyone I meet through my job, as lovely as they are, are 50+.  Would love to meet people in our age bracket and find good  playmates for the kids.  Perhaps soon.

Anyway- that's all for now- probably the last blog before baby arrives....and I have to go take my chocolate chip cookies out of the oven and finish wiping down the kitchen before I can go to bed...(Oh, nesting...can't control it!)   For anyone who checks out our little corner here- please keep us in prayer!

So- it has been almost a month since the last time I blogged. It's been very busy at home and at work- and it feels like time never stops. I don't have much time as both boys are (miraculously!) napping, and I want to get in on that before they wake up...so here is a short update. 1. My baby sister is getting married in two weeks. TWO WEEKS. I feel old! Joseph is going to be the ring bearer and I'm lectoring. I'm praying that all goes well because... 2. One of my doctors thought I could go into pre-term labor. It would not be pretty if my water broke behind the ambo. However, at my last appointment I was only 1 cm dilated- but I also know that could change rapidly. 3. The lady I was going to hire to take over for me during maternity leave cannot take over anymore because of personal issues. Trying to rush and get everything done before Baby #3 arrives. Again- would love to try and find a way to stay home... 4. May HAVE to stay home because our daycare provider said that she assumed Joseph was going to preschool next year and already made arrangements to have his spot filled. I'm in shock and not happy- and she was very embarrassed. I'm not sure what to do because I love his provider- but I am so upset. Joseph cannot go to preschool until he is potty trained. and right now #1 goes in the potty, but not #2. 5. My 6 year wedding anniversary is on Sunday- and my husband and I are celebrating on Monday- not sure what to do yet. 6. Wishing I could go to Confession- haven't been able to. Feeling overwhelmed and tired is not an excuse for choosing to sin- but it certainly makes it much easier to do so. 7. Lots of contractions lately- painful. 8. Have to prime and paint a dresser, wash all the newborn clothing and HOPEFULLY pre-make and freeze some meals before the baby arrives... 9. And have to plan his baptism and pray about godparents. 10. I've also been looking for other jobs, just in case. Being in an administrator with two young kids is tough- and if I must work- I can't imagine doing it with three. There's more- but it's time to lay down and SLEEP...just needed to do a "brain dump" first!

Joseph-Isms

Me: Joe-Joe- do you have to go pee pee on the potty?]
Joseph: No, Mama- pee pee is gone.
Me: Where did pee-pee go?
Joseph: Pee-pee is IN my pee-pee.  Pee-pee is happy.

(?!?!)

(Looking out the window at our neighbor)
Joseph: Hi, Man!  Man...hello!  What you doing, Man?

(Looking at our wedding picture.)
Joseph: Mama and Dada!
Me: Yes, that's right!  Do you like Mama's princess dress?
Joseph: No- Mama's a QUEEN!
Me: Mama's a queen?! Is Daddy a king?
Joseph: No- Daddy's a queen, too.

Joseph: Mama, you'e a Pirate Mama.  ARRR!

Joseph: Joe-Joe is a BIG boy. Deedee is a BABY. (Dee-dee means David.)

After a giant hail storm, a leak appeared in the ceiling of Joseph's room right over his bed.  This is a conversation we had two mornings later.

Joseph: Mama- it rained on me. (as he points to the ceiling.)
Me: Honey, it didn't rain.
Joseph: (Adamantly.) It RAINED on me!

(He wet through his Pull-Up....so much for blaming it on the
rain.)

(After David emitted a LOUD bout of gas)
Joseph: EWWWWWWWWWWWWW.  Deedee tooted in the butt.  BAD Deedee.

(WHERE did he hear that?!?)

The Muffin Man

Last night, Joseph helped me make blueberry muffins for Sunday morning. With time constraints, I haven't been doing much baking from scratch, so we opted for muffin mix (probably easier for a toddler to help with a shorter recipe anyway...) Anyway, I digress. Joseph has a little stool that we usually keep in the bathroom so he can reach the sink to wash his hands and brush his teeth. Usually, if my husband or I are cooking in the kitchen, he'll drag the stool in and say,"Want to see!" When I asked him if he wanted to 'see' Mama making muffins, he was very excited. I let him put the muffin wrappers into the baking pan- which he did very meticulously, one at a time- and then I let him dump in the water and vegetable oil. Once I had added the eggs, I handed him a fork and told him it was his turn to stir. Slowly and carefully, he moved the fork through the thick batter saying, "Stir, stir, stir! Stir, stir, stir!" After I folded in the blueberries, he looked at me and exclaimed, "Berries made it PURTLE!" (The berries made the batter PURPLE.) After distributing the batter into the muffin cups and placing the pan in the oven, I let him lick the fork, which was probably the highlight of his baking time, until the muffins came out of the oven. I handed him one and said, "Go show Daddy what Joseph made." He ran into the living room to see my husband curled up on the sofa reading a book and started exclaiming, "LOOK, Dada! I DID it!" When A. praised him, he swelled with pride- I thought he was going to explode! So cute. I want all of my kids to spend as much time in the kitchen as possible so that one day, they'll be able to cook well. Maybe I should invest in an apron for my little baker. It was so sweet to see him so proud of himself.

My Three Sons (The Wiggler, The Love-Bug, and The Administrator.)....and A Life Update

It's been a little over a month since I last blogged- hard to believe! Life just keeps changing and we just keep pressing on. I am now at about 27 weeks with Baby #3, David will be 10 months old next week, and Joseph is going on three- and starting to potty train. (Hopefully, I'll have ONE out of diapers by the time #3 arrives??? Please???) #3 is moving so much more now, (I call him the Wiggler) and I'm beginning to have what I have dubbed as "Turtle Syndrome." This happens when you are sound asleep and you want to flip over and you CAN'T, because your belly is too big! It must be funny to watch- but I have to admit that I've been spending several nights sleeping in our recliner instead of our bed so I don't have to worry about flipping over. This is the first time I've ever slept in a recliner during pregnancy- so weird! Anyhow...we are trying to come up with a moniker for the little one, and it's hard for us to choose a name this time around. We keep going between three or four possibilities, but can't make up our minds! David has been growing quickly. He's about 25 lbs. now- and he's crawling SO FAST. He has begun pulling himself into a standing position (and he's quite pleased about that) and getting into all of Joseph's things- which has not only led to greater amounts of chasing David, but sibling rivalry (at least on Joseph's part.) David still comes to work with me three days a week and is in daycare for two days. Working with a 9 month old in the office is challenging, but somehow,it's working. My office looks like a nursery with office equipment...not the other way around. Sometimes when he's restless, I'll put him in his stroller and walk him down the hallways of the school, and all of the students and teachers stop to talk to him. He just LOVES all of the attention and loves being held. He's very laid back, cheerful and lovable- unless he's teething. He's a total "Mama's Boy"- at least for the time being- and he always wants to snuggle. He's the little Love Bug. Joseph is talking more and more. He is always singing "Twinkle,Twinkle Little Star," and if he is not in the mood for me joining in, he stops, frowns and says, "No, Mama, that's MY twinkle." and continues to sing as loud as he can. He is rough and tumble and into E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. Hsi favorite show right now is Mickey Mouse Clubhouse (which I think I've seen every episode of) followed by Jake and the Neverland Pirates. He has started riding his tricycle at Memaw's and Pepaw's house, and loves to help in the kitchen. As lovable as Joseph is, he certainly has a mind of his own, and he is VERY hard headed. I call him "The Administrator." He loves telling other people what to do and how to do it- and if things aren't going his way, he is not happy. It's funny to me that Joseph is just beginning to enter the "Terrible Twos" this late. He is SO PASSIONATE. He can passionately love you and what he's doing- and the next minute, if he feels he's been wronged, he will be PASSIONATE about letting you know it! (I have NOOOOOOOOOOOO idea where he gets this from...) I have to say though, he is a great helper and he is growing up too quickly- but it is amazing to see his development and his personality which is beginning to emerge. The infamous Charlie, who could have probably had an entire blog dedicated to his shenanigans, had to be given up to the Humane Society. On Good Friday. What a horrible day to give up the cat! Charlie, as lovable and spunky as he was, was starting to get jealous of the kids- and territorial (in a bad way) because our next door neighbors have FIVE outdoor cats that like to mark their territory outside of our house. In addition to this, a certain two year old decided that a cat of 20 lbs. looked a lot like a small pony, and tried riding him on numerous occasions and pulling his ears and whiskers. The trip down to the Humane Society on Good Friday was AWFUL. After my husband and I had dropped him off, I cried all the way home! In hindsight however, I realize that we made the right decision, and Charlie was adopted after a mere week of being in the shelter. I am very happy about this and I know that he is making a family very happy. My husband is looking for other jobs as his current one has him dealing with some rather...interesting characters- and the overtime has been unreal. Our family has not gotten to spend much time together because of the overtime- and because he has rotating days off (works six days, off for two). My job? Well, it's been demanding. Lots of changes- some for the better. However, more than anything I want to stay at home with the kids. i'm not sure how feasible this is given all of the bills- and I'm hoping for answers to prayers soon. I'm also hoping for God to strengthen us as a family, especially in the next months as so many changes are taking place. I'm at a place where I've learned that God won't give you anything you can't handle...(but it's okay to ask for help!) I have trouble with that last part and usually drive myself crazy trying to do everything on my own. Hoping for continued strength, healing and guidance. That's all for now- maybe I'll shoot for a WEEKLY blog, because blogging as much as I want cannot happen right now with the family and with the job.

Yesterday

Yesterday I went to the OBGYN for my exam. There was a group of people in the waiting room, shuffling through magazines, texting and playing on iPads. The room was silent with the exception of the turning of magazine pages and the soft hum of office equipment. I decided not to read anything and to enjoy the silence. About a half hour after my appointment time, I was finally called. I followed the portly nurse down the hallway while she took my vitals and entered the information into her computer- her gaudy blue beaded bracelet jingling with every keystroke. She told me to wait and the doctor would come to see me as soon as possible- she would be running late because she was double booked for the entire day. I pulled a magazine from the rack and thumbed through it- noticing that the nurse left the door wide open on her way out- not something that typically happens. And, as I sat there, I noticed several nurses running down the hall looking for towels. One was looking for scissors. "Her mother doesn't know?!" said one. "I STRONGLY object to the way this was handled!" yelled another. My stomach churned. "Bring her mother back here." A heavyset, irate woman was quickly ushered down the hallway. A bit later, a teenage girl was whisked down the hallway in a wheelchair- her face veiled by her hair. Then- the doctor came to see me. Checked my weight. Told me my stomach measurement was fine- and that my baby's heartbeat was strong. That the next appointment would be in a month and I would have to take my glucose test before coming in for an examination. I gave my paperwork to the lady at the check out and pulled on my jacket- wrapping myself in it tightly as I stepped back outside and into the rain- and wept. What had happened in that office? What had happened to the girl? What had happened to that baby? Questions I'll always wonder about- and never have answered. The events that took place played themselves over and over in my mind, making it impossible to sleep. The next morning- I held my boys a little bit tighter.

Sunday...

I wish I had enough time to sit and blog more often! I have still been listing my blessings, though not always on the computer this Lent.
Tonight...I felt so disheartened by certain things that occurred. However, I am thankful that I read several positive comments from our 10th grade Religious Ed. Students regarding the program...and I was pleasantly surprised. God will always glorify Himself even through lowly vessels!

Anyway- I am thankful for:

1. Grapes
2. Long naps. I was SO BLESSED yesterday! Both kids fell asleep at the same time and I had the opportunity to sleep at the same time. Result? A lovely 2 1/2 hour nap!
3. David laughing.
4. Joseph wanting to snuggle and "help" me clean the kitchen.
5. Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.
6. My parents.
7. Just "being" with my husband. Sitting next to him on the sofa with his arm around me makes me feel so safe and loved.
8. My dishwasher and washer and dryer.
9. Finding a booklet of 101 Activities For Toddlers on Pinterest.
10.Finding out that Baby #3 will be another boy!
11.People volunteering to help me put things together at the last minute- (my original volunteer dropped a TV weighing 75 lbs on her foot and BROKE it- poor thing! She will be unable to help me with the receptions coming up and will be immobile for the next 6 weeks!)
12. Getting my hair trimmed.
13. That I made time to put together Easter baskets for the kids.
14. That my husband will be able to go with me to Easter Vigil...SO HAPPY ABOUT THIS!

Bliss

Bliss: sleeping until 6:00 AM, and only getting up once last night with David. It's amazing how much of a difference being rested makes!

He will not fail...

Today was a tough day. surprises...stress...one of those days where pulling the covers over your head and sleeping for another five hours seems like a good idea.

That being said, I have to find things to be thankful for concerning today.

I think I am thankful for a book I found last night called "Believing God." It's not a Catholic book- it's a Christian devotional- but there is one chapter that stood out to me as I flipped through the contents: "I Can Do All Things Through Christ."

Wow.

All things.

THROUGH CHRIST.

The author shared some brief anecdotes, and ended them by reminding the reader that it is not God who fails us- it is we who so often fail God.

In the quiet of my room- I almost heard a small, still whisper say, "I WILL NOT fail you." A whisper that comforted my heart.

I wish I had recalled that when I was in "the thick of things" today- but I am happy that I am remembering it now. He WILL NOT fail me- oh, I pray for faithfulness!

I am also thankful that:

1. My husband fianlly saw a doctor, and that David went and was diagnosed
with an ear infection- that explains his moodiness as of late.

2. That C. came in today to help prepare things for Second Grade for next year.

3. For my parents.

4. That today is my husband's "Friday."

5. Chocolate chip cookies.

6. Joe-Joe pretending to be a cat- he is so funny! He goes around meows and acts cuddly and wants to be held. (Should i be worried?! :) ) I guess I should be thankful that he's not pretending to be a dog and barking anymore!
!

Sunday Thankfuls

I am thankful...

1. That even though I couldn't get to Mass, my Mom
brought me Communion.

2. That my husband made it home. Hoping he will go
to the doctor soon- he's been sick for five days and
extremely exhausted- so worried about him!

3. FOR THE WEATHER. 68 degrees? IN MARCH? Wow!

4. That Joseph and I finally met our neighbors.

5. That I FINALLY had a Shamrock Shake!

6. That Religious Ed. is almost over for the year...I
can't wait for a "break" from classes.

Friday Thankfuls

1. Joseph went to sleep without much crying- THANK YOU, LORD!
2. My husband called out of work so he could recover- he needs a break.
3. That my 9th Graders did relatively well tonight at Stations of the Cross.
4. Mint Ice Cream.
5. Tomorrow is my husband's feast day- (Confirmation Name is Patrick!)
6. For Pinterest. This could become an addiction. Perhaps I should give it up for Lent before it does!
7. I had quiet time today to make a grocery list and weekly menu.
8. I'm thankful my husband watched David so I could enjoy a shower alone...sometimes when I shower I can hear Joseph on the opposite side of the door saying, "MOM-MOM??? Mooooom....MOMMMMM! What doing? Where go? MooooooooOOOOOOMM???" It was nice to have quiet!
9. I'm thankful that Charlie is sleeping. It's the only time he's quiet! I think we need to find another family for him before #3 comes. Sad...but most days it's like having another toddler. I need to find a loving home for him, and soon.
10. For F.- one of my star catechists! SO grateful for him. Hoping to talk him into being our Youth Minister. I think the kids love and respect him and he loves the Lord and will help them to grow.

Thursday Thankfuls

1. For my assistant, whose birthday is today!
2. That when I took David to the specialist for his nose and throat- he said that nothing was wrong with him. SO RELIEVED.
3. Chamomille Tea.
4. "I'm gonna get you, fly!" -Joseph
5. Sharky and Bones.
6. Costco Trip for our special Lenten Breakfast with Confirmation Candidates and Priests.
7. Mom
8. E. shopping with me- I get so lost in HUGE stores!
9. David only got up ONCE last night. (Hoping tonight will be the same!)
10.Not having to hide my baby bump anymore- bring on the maternity clothes.

Thankful that I can say...

Number three is due August 27. Scared. Excited. Relieved. Midwife was worried about my health (still kind of is) due to job stress and having kids so close together- was worried I wouldn't be able to say I was expecting. Trying to find an escape route so I can focus on all three of the babies and husband...

...but thankful for a new life. Thankful that this baby will have two sweet big brothers- (even though I can't imagine David will be a big brother at one year old!) Thankful for the man that my husband is, and that he is a good father.

Thankful that I finally told my boss so I can stop wearing baggy clothes and wear maternity clothes...

...but scared about drama that I'm sure will occur...

Pray for us!

Saturday Thankful (Late)

For the time change- even though it's kicking my butt. It means my husband has to work one hour less today!

Friday Thankfuls

1. I'm thankful that if I MUST have to stomach flu, it is on my day off so I won't be stressed out during the week. I'm also thankful it was relatively mild. If what I have is mild- I can't imagine what it's like for the people who are hit hard!

2. For my Mom who came over and helped with Joseph so I could rest.

3. For my husband who helped with David (who is also not too well) so I could rest.

4. Bread, popsicles and water.

5. Gingerale.

6. For Dad dropping of Joseph today.

7. For Joseph making "boo-boos" better by kissing them.

8. For prayers-- please pray for a special intention for me this week...very nervous.

Wednesday Thankfuls

1. For dill pickles. Sometimes, they just hit the spot.
2. For leftovers.
3. That David was in a good mood today at work! Makes life in the office a lot better when he's happy.
4. Sunshine.
5. For the dishwasher- it's nice not having to do dishes by hand.
6. My husband.
7. Joseph singing "Happy Birthday to You" repeatedly.
8. That tomorrow is Thursday.
9. For my sister and her fiance coming to town on Friday.
10. For P.
11. For finding (well at least I THINK I found) a dress for my sister's wedding.
12. For lovely packages from friends for my boys- a friend made the cutest little jackets and bunting for them.

Saturday Thankfulness

1. For Joseph. The funny "angry eyes" face he makes when he thinks David is mad, his hugs, and saying "Mom-Mom, I found you!" in the grocery store. (Fred was pushing Joseph's cart and I was pushing David's- everytime I followed them into a new aisle Joseph would happily exclaim, "Mom-Mom- I found you!!!"

2. That today is my husband's day off. SO WONDERFUL. We made a menu for the week and shopped for the ingredients for this week's dinners, and had chocolate chip molten cakes after the kids went to bed.

3. For David- his laughter- and that one of the sure-fire ways to calm him down is to stroke his feet. It's the weirdest thing! He'll stick his leg up in the air while his feet are rubbed or stroked and most times he'll stop fussing!

4. That we remembered to call Dish and refuse their movie channel offer. I don't have TIME for that stuff- and those channels usually don't have the best things on them, anyway.

5. That Fred found the memory card for our phones so we can download pictures and put together a surprise photo collage for his mom- she hasn't even met David yet- it seems like we haven't been to CA in so long!

My Wake Up Call and Thankfulness

So this morning at approximately 5:50 AM I heard the "pitter patter" of Joseph's footsteps approaching my bedroom. Fred was at work, and I was going to do my best to convince Joseph to crawl in bed with me so I could sleep for 10 more minutes. At least, that was my plan.

I felt a little hand tap me on the shoulder.

"Mom-Mom?"

"Yes, honey, what is it?"

"Dere's poo in dere."

At this point I was wide awake. There's poo in WHERE?!

Sitting upright, I looked at him. He was clad in his Mickey Mouse pajamas, hair sticking out everywhere, and looking at me expectantly.

"Where's the poo?!"

"Poo's in DERE." He grabbed his bottom- indicating a dirty diaper- followed by, "Mom-Mom, MOVE. Want nana. (banana)"

I'm still not sure how we made it from poo to wanting a banana- but I am THANKFUL I woke up to Joseph talking to me instead of crying in his room!

I'm also thankful for:

1. School being closed- I like working when the kids are gone.
2. My husband!
3. The teens who read at Stations of the Cross- they were great.
4. An okay day at work.
5. That my husband starts FIRST SHIFT on Easter! I'm so happy about this!!!

A Realization...and Thankfulness

Today I'm thankful that I caught my son's pinkeye when I did. We were able to get him to the doctor, who also diagnosed him with an ear infection (apparently the ear infection is the reason for the pinkeye- the infection is draining from his eye...something I don't totally understand...) and we may have an in for him to go to the nose and throat doctor- something we've been needing to do. Though it will be an unpleasant procedure, it will tell us what has been wrong with him.

I'm thankful my Mom could come over to watch Joseph while I started several loads of laundry, wiping down the house and sterilizing bottles- as well as putting my poor David to sleep.

I'm thankful (but ashamed) that I had a realization today that I have a tendency to think negatively. Even if there is some beacon, some light shining in the blackness- I focus on darkness rather than the light. I need to change this- to trust that God will help us to carry our Crosses- this change will be a long process...

Monday's Thankful List

1. For some quiet time at work today.
2. That I am healing slowly.
3. That both of my babies were happy when I picked them up from daycare.
4. That after several false starts, I figured out what was wrong with my computer and fixed it! (Well, I guess I TECHNICALLY didn't figure it out- I just got lucky and it started working again!)
5. I'm grateful that my appointment cancelled because I still feel sick (even though I'm healing...) and the lady my appointment was with has bronchitis- it was nice not to have to deal wtih that today.
6. I am thankful that my husband made dinner- that took a lot off my mind and shoulders tonight.

Thankful List 4 (Saturday's List)

1. I'm thankful for my sister on her birthday.
2. Thankful that David slept the majority of the day WITHOUT coughing-
poor little guy needed it!
3. Thankful that my sweet husband retrieved our dresser and Bowflex from
my parents' house- it's nice to be making our place feel more like "home"
and make it feel more organized.
4. Thankful that I had the honor of making my sister's birthday cupcakes-
chocolate cupcakes with vanilla frosting, topped with Andes mints and green
sprinkles- looked a lot like St. Patrick's Day, but she loved them!
5. Thankful that we "ordered in" last night.
6. Thankful that my husband covered most of the chores yesterday as I am
still healing from this virus.
7. I'm thankful that Joseph is communicating more- he has been saying, "
My butt hurts," when he needs his diaper changed. I will be MORE thankful
when he masters potty training.

Thankful (Combined List 2 and 3)

1. Thankful that my Dad and sister helped me last night when David
was ill. He was choking on his phlegm and had a barking cough- and
the doctor I spoke with thought he had croup.

2. I am grateful that when I took him to the ER, the doctor said
he did not have croup, but the nurse thought he had RSV.

3. I am thankful he does not have RSV- but just an awful cold! Hoping
he gets better soon!

4. Thankful that yesterday I called out because I was ill (still am)
but I needed the strength I gained to make it through the night.

5. Thankful that I am out today to regain strength- looking forward
to returning to work next week.

6. Thankful for a good doctor's appointment yesterday.

7. Thankful that if I have to send David to daycare, he is with Joseph.
He has a good caregiver.

8. Thankful for my sister, who has a birthday tomorrow.

9. Thankful for my husband who let me sleep this afternoon.

Ash Wednesday: I Am Thankful For- List 1

1. I am thankful that a volunteer made me leave work
today because she could see I was sick and struggling
to function- (I must have looked pretty pathetic wheezing
on my inhaler!) She even brought David and I home. I'm
laying down and resting now.

2. That Joseph slept until 6AM and did not get up AT
ALL last night...a small victory! He must be getting better!

3. That Fred did not have to work overtime.

4. That David is sleeping.

5. For our new sofa that I am lying on.

6. For my doctor appointment tomorrow.

7. For my Mom.

8. That my Dad is happy at his new job.

9. For David's laugh and beautiful eyes- helped me stay positive
at work.

10. For M.R.- an angel who goes above and beyond. I hope that someday
I can be like her.

Lent

Joseph is ill with a horrible cough and a double earache, so I am staying home for the day to tend to him. He's FINALLY asleep, as is David and Fred. I hope that I can be patient for the rest of the day as I am also sick, and the doctor put me on an inhaler because I'm having trouble breathing.

Anyway- Lent starts tomorrow- another 40 day journey of sacrifice and prayer to deepen our relationship with Jesus. I've been thinking about what I should do this Lent, and came to the realization that, for me, it would be more difficult to "do" than to "give up." I think want to try and "do" a few things:

1. A SHORT Way of the Cross each night. (In the Pieta Book)
2. Make a point to make a list of what I'm thankful for. I did this
last year as well, and it really helped me to put things in perspective and
be grateful for all the many blessings that I take for granted.
3. Perhaps make time to say a rosary every Saturday.

I think #1 is something that really speaks to my heart right now. We are dealing with our own "crosses," but none are so great as the one that Christ bore. Oh, to bear a cross patiently with abandonment and LOVE- THIS is what I need to do.

2012 has been very difficult. So many times I feel like Job- that "life is a drudgery." Well, it is not a drudgery- if you do what you need to do by realizing that God wants you to use your blessings and talents to perform the task...although this has been a struggle for me to realize...

I want to be closer to His heart- and I need to let go of lamenting "why me?" and start asking, "What is Your will?" Of course, it is one thing to know this, and another to do this.

Cultivate within me a pure, loving and grateful heart, O Lord! Help me to let go of selfishness, anger, doubt and fear, and to embrace the childlike faith that will unite me to You!

Beacons

The kids (and husband) are asleep, the dishwasher is humming, the kitchen has been wiped down, and I'm typing while sitting on our new loveseat.

Yes- we finally have a loveseat and a sofa!!!

SO EXCITING.

We've been married for nearly six years, and have never had a "real" loveseat or sofa. We had a futon type thing from Ikea because it was small and would fit in our tiny apartment when we lived in California. Since we had moved to Texas, and now to New England, we have constantly been pricing sets and trying to figure out how to afford it.

We finally figured out how to make it work at Christmas- a dear friend of mine, (who I happen to think is an angel) gave us a monetary gift (she shouldn't have- but I'm blessed and glad that she did!) and we started looking at stores in the area.

My husband and I had been eyeing a set at Big Lots for a long time, and today our friend said he would help us and lend us his truck so we could lug it home. He, my husband and my Dad made the trip to Big Lots, and hubby showed them the set we wanted.

Our friend, "Phil," looked at the set and told him that he had the same set at his house, and he had been trying to give it away (he wants a new set) and he would GIVE IT TO US FOR FREE. The loveseat had never even been sat on, and both pieces look brand new.

WOW.

So Phil, Fred, and my Dad loaded up Phil's truck and brought over the furniture. It amazes me that Fred and I have waited so long to get a set because we were trying to save up for one, and then, out of no where, we get the set we want, FOR FREE! Still can't believe it! What an act of kindness. Our living room looks like "home" now.

And to add to the good things that have been happening, I will be able to have David in daycare part time with Joseph during the week. This is great, because he is trying to crawl and my office just does NOT have enough space for him to do so.

It amazes me that when the road becomes difficult, God always sends little beacons of light along the way to remind us of His goodness and faithfulness. Things still aren't easy- but when He sends these little consolations, it helps to remind me of His faithfulness when I'm in the dark.

Soon, I will be able to blog about what Fred and I have been going through- it's almost time. "We" are fine- but we have been undergoing an adventure- and most of it in the dark- and we haven't been able to talk about it. Looking forward to being more open soon.

Thank You Jesus for Your Love and eternal faithfulness. May we keep the "eyes of our hearts" focused on You!

An Empathetic Son

It's been a rough few days. I'm sick. David's sick and teething and Joseph is getting sick. Work has been hectic and my husband has been working crazy hours- and no one has been sleeping.

Last night (and this morning) I was up with David, holding him in the recliner and feeding him a bottle "spiked" with a dose of Infant Tylenol for his teeth...I think we got up together about four times. So, when I heard Joseph crying at 5:30 AM I was not eager to start the day and brought him into bed with me to sleep.

Sometimes I let him look out the window as a distraction so I can catch five more minutes of shut-eye. This morning, I noticed him throwing the curtains back and staring out the window and thought nothing of it. I closed my eyes, knowing he would get back in bed with me.

THUNK.

And then he dropped a screwdriver onto my head, narrowly missing my left eye.

Apparently, DH had left his screwdriver on the floor after putting up our curtains and Joseph was trying to give it to me.

I burst into tears, not quite sure what had happened except that I thought my skull had been cracked. (I have a nice little egg on my forehead now where the screwdriver fell). I cried because of the throbbing pain, the lack of sleep, and the fact that my husband wasn't home. I cried because of the teething and the sickness and stress...everything came out.

And then I found a gentle little hand on my shoulder, rubbing me soothingly and looked over to see Joseph who said softly, "Mom-Mom, its okay, don't cry, Mom-Mom- don't cry."

And he gave me a hug.

Two years old.

I love my little guy.

Warning: Sappy Post

I am always SO eager for my day off from work so I can see my husband when he returns home from work in the morning. The nights without him are very long with David waking up, and Charlie (the cat) is not very comforting to share a bed with. (This cat is AT LEAST 20 lbs. and tries getting asclosetomeaspossible!)

It's been a very difficult 6 months, not having my husband home when I'm home- and I PINE for him. I wake up at night and realize he's not there. I can't wait to hug him and to kiss him good morning...and on the days I work- I count the minutes until the end of the day so I can see him.

I feel like the woman in the Song of Songs- with eyes only for her Beloved.

Right now, the weather is horrible- it is snowing and raining and it is cold. Schools have been cancelled and plows have been up and down the road since 5:30 AM. David is napping now, and Joseph is putting away his toys and watching Mickey Mouse.

And me? I'm smiling and getting ready for a second cup of coffee- my love just called and is on his way home. I'll get to see him for a few precious minutes before he goes to sleep, and then I'll wake him up for dinner this evening.

Early on in college, I can remember thinking that it must be difficult to stay married- for how can one love another person for SUCH a long time? However, after almost 6 years of marriage, I'm beginning to understand, because I love my husband more everyday- and when I look at my children and see him IN them, it makes me love him even more.

Not that he's perfect- we all have our imperfections. He does things that drive me crazy sometimes- (as I know I drive him crazy sometimes, too!) But- he is a good and humble man and he pursues my heart. He loves me despite (and perhaps because of) my imperfections. He supports me and makes me want to be the best wife and mother I can be. My children and I are truly blessed.

Sometimes...

A bouquet of daisies and roses make things better.

My husband is amazing- and the best man that I know-

I am so blessed!

Love him.

Religious Ed. Meets...Social Work?

The past few weeks I have felt more like a Social Worker than a Director of Religious Education. I've been working with one family to help them get their bills paid so they don't get evicted, tried to help them find affordable childcare and referred them to charities...as well as many other things.

I've been dealing with a few such families as of late- and I don't always feel prepared for how to deal with these situations- it's not part of my training. I was trained in theology and education- not social work- and some days, I wonder if I give the right advice and refer people to the right places. Even though I talk to all the proper authorities first, I always feel like I'm in waist-deep. Perhaps that's because being a DRE is not just about Religious Education, it's about ministry.

Tonight, I had a child who decided to leave the building because he didn't want to be in class. A seventh grader. A HUGE seventh grader. Somehow (by the grace of God) I was able to talk him into coming back into my office and have a discussion with him about why he didn't believe in God. When his Dad showed up to pick him up, he told me that "Freddy*" (Name change here), "does this all the time at school."

"Try to leave the school campus?"

"Yes- he just wants to get a rise out of you."

"Well, I would have called the police. We take these things very seriously."

And all the while I'm thinking...And WHY do you seem okay with this?!

"Freddy's" parents are divorced and have conflicting values, and the poor kid doesn't know which way he wants to go- only that he wants to be heard- that he wants someone to care. (Which is still no excuse for being hard-headed and obstinate- but at least I know why he's acting the way he does.) The family, myself and the priests are having a meeting next week to make a "plan" for Freddy.

I'm amazed at how the deterioration of the family affects children, and how those children act. I don't blame them...but I DO feel so sorry for them. What pain and heavy crosses they carry at so young an age!

Our youth and their families need us to storm Heaven with prayers for them!

Pondering Things In My Heart

YEARNING to say something that I can't say yet...for many reasons-
1. Mixed emotions.
2. Reality will set in.
3. Comments that I'm sure will be made...some that will be well-meaning advice- and some that...well...won't be...
4. Fear of not knowing the direction that life is taking us once again...

And yet-

Despite all of the things that COULD happen- a miracle HAS happened.
Despite all of my fear with finances- I am (trying) to trust.
Even though I sometimes "forget"... I KNOW God is always faithful. I'm
the one who struggles with faith.

Hoping to write a less "pensive" post soon- there's just so much to think about.

Teapots and Christmas Lights

I've heard women compared to both teapots and Christmas Lights. Women are like teapots because when they are "full" they are bursting to talk to someone- to let it out. They are like Christmas Lights because when one light bulb is out, the entire string shuts down.

I would say both of these are true.

And I will also say that I am suffering from both metaphors right now.

However, I learned the hard way through my adolescent years that venting online is always a dangerous venture- so I need to find another outlet. Suffice it to say that I am tired, burnt out, and praying for things to turn around yet again. I'm not sure how much more of this I am willing to put up with. Praying for direction and for change...

Why I Don't Tell (Most) People I Blog

For a while now, I've had several people ask me to start a blog.

"It would be a great way to keep up with your family!"

"You have a knack for writing!"

"You should keep up with your poetry and create a blog for it!"

Well, I guess the reason I don't tell (most) people I have a blog is because I don't want to deal with keeping up with it- (something that is NOT easy for a working mom with two kids)- and because there are certain things that I write about that not EVERYONE needs to know.

I am also not a master chef, crafty person, super mom (though I must say I try!), and I don't usually have great "pearls of wisdom." Nope. It's just me, rambling- trying to get rid of my thoughts so I can move forward.

Plus...if I saw I was being "followed" by 345 people, I may get kind of creeped out.

At this point in my life, when I blog it's not for any particular audience- it's for whoever stumbles upon it- and they can "eavesdrop" on my inner musings. I suppose all this could be remedied with keeping a regular, handwritten journal- which I used to do all the time- but for now, I like this medium- and it's nice to occasionally receive some feedback from a handful of people.

Maybe one day, when the kids are more self sufficient and I have more time on my hands, I will write down my stories and poetry- advertise it for people to read and hope that I have a trail of people "following" me...but for now- I am happy in my own little corner where I can write freely.

Musings...

Every year since I was a freshman in high school, after going to Christmas Mass, I would sit down with my journal and write PAGES of resolutions for the New Year. On New Year's Eve, a few would be selected to work on for the upcoming year.

This past Christmas- I didn't do it.

Not because there aren't things I need to work on... I'm already working on those things. However, I need to look at changing the way I live my life.

Without getting into too much detail- (because coming to this conclusion has really been a long time coming, and the situations that have led to it have been difficult...) I need to be direct and assertive.

Sounds easy, right? Not for a phlegmatic/melancholic personality. (At least, not for THIS phlegmatic/melancholic personality!) However- certain situations have pushed me to the point where I know this needs to happen. It's not an option...and it's a tough pill to swallow.

When I became a mother, I began to move in this direction. But now, with other things going on- I feel like someone is pushing me there- and that it is beginning to happen naturally.

By being direct and assertive, I don't mean being aggressive. I think one can be assertive and maintain poise- I think strong, feminine women can do it- it's just about finding the balance. And, although it's taken me a while to get to this point, and the situations that have pushed me here have caused more anger and stress than I care to acknowledge, I think it is where I need to be.

Perhaps the situation that is causing me so much hurt is the greatest catalyst to the change God wants me to make...and if that's the reason I have to go through it, I will try to do so as cheerfully and faithfully as I can.